Mike Gets a Lucrative Business Proposal
General Hospital. December 17, 1999.
Jax: Thanks for coming, Mike.
Jax: I believe you know my wife, Alexis.
Alexis: Good to see you.
Jax: And Ned and his wife, Chloe.
Chloe: Hi. Nice to see you.
Mike: Hi. Nice to see you. Listen, if this is about my son . . .
Alexis: It isn't. It isn't. It isn't.
Ned: Mike, why don't you have a seat?
Chloe: Yeah, would you like some coffee? We have leaded and unleaded. We also have juice, tea . . .
Mike: No, no.
Alexis: Can I take your coat?
Mike: No, thank you. Thank you. Listen, I think I’d just like to get to the point, whatever that is.
Jax: We have a job for you.
Mike: What kind of job?
Ned: The kind that offers a very handsome fee. $100,000.
Mike: Well, that's very handsome. And it probably involves something that I get sent up the river for, so look, whatever kind of setup this is . . . thanks, but no thanks.
Chloe: No, wait.
Mike, It's not like that?
Chloe: Please, just hear us out.
Mike: So this is legal?
Alexis: Absolutely. Depending on your point of view.
Mike: I thought so.
Jax: So what are you saying? You don't need the money?
Ned: The truth is, Mike, we've thought about this. And we all feel that this is a job that is perfectly suited to your capabilities.
Mike: Well, I don't know what you think that I’m capable of, but I can assure you that there's nothing that I can do for you people that is worth $100,000.
Jax: Sure there is. All you have to do is get married.
Mike: Her name is Gertrude?
Ned: Yes, and she is sharp. So, your first meeting has to be carefully orchestrated to look
like fate. Be yourself. But then smoothly clue Gertrude into the lonely, romantic,
wealthy bachelor that you hide from the rest of the world, who's never found the right woman.
Jax: Yeah, someone who works when he wants to, not because he has to.
Mie: Works at what?
Chloe: No, no, something sexier.
Alexis: Independent real estate. I always thought that was sexy. You could show her your estate in Newport.
Mike: Rhode Island?
Jax: No, California. I have connections there in case we need them.
Alexis: And you need to have a penthouse in Manhattan.
Chloe: Oh, yes, overlooking the park.
Jax: Yeah, we can arrange for you to take her there for the weekend.
Ned: We'll give you a list of all the best restaurants . . .
Mike: Hey. Listen, I’m not a hermit. I know how to treat a lady to a good time.
Jax: I think what Ned was trying to say is that Chloe can give you inside information on what Gertrude likes.
Chloe: Exactly. Like her favorite foods, her favorite gifts. For instance, she loves emeralds. Gertrude loves anything green.
Alexis: As in money. She likes money.
Ned: No offense, Mike, but you'll need a new wardrobe, too.
Chloe: Which we will be happy to supply.
Alexis: And maybe a different cologne.
Mike: Hey, look . . . look, folks. If I need that much work, then I don't think this is
going . . .
Chloe: No, no, Mike. It's not about you. It's simply about tailoring you to Gertrude.
Ned: That's not a lot to ask for $100,000, is it, Mike?
Mike: And that's take-home?
Mike: You guys will provide me with an expense account that's going to pay for clothes,
Jax: Absolutely. The $100,000 is yours to spend as you want.
Mike: And to get that, I have to . . .
Ned: All you have to do is get Gertrude caught up in a whirlwind romance, get her to accept a marriage proposal, and then get her name on a marriage license.
Mike: That's all?
Jax: Yeah, and it could be as temporary as you want.
Mike: Temporary. Listen, how long does it take for a local bank to clear a $100,000 check?
Ned: We’ll pay you in cash.
Mike: Uh-huh. Okay. Let's cut to the chase. Why is it so important to get Gertrude married?
Ned: Well, let's just say that she is laying false claim to my wife's company.
Ned: And this is the only way we can take her out of the running.
Mike: I see. I’m almost afraid to ask this, but what is Gertrude like?
Chloe: She's unique.
Jax: Yeah. And determined.
Ned: She's a live wire.
Chloe: She's very lively.
Alexis: yeah, she's . . .
Chloe: Very lively.
Jax: She's lively.
Ned: She's not unattractive.
Chloe: No. No.
Mike: Whoa, whoa. Stop, folks. Listen, I think I get the picture. Anybody that you would pay me $100,000 to marry is probably not the kind of person that I would even have coffee with. So, thanks and good luck.
Chloe: Wait, Mike. I think I know a way to convince you. We know we're asking a lot. But we picked you because we think you are the best man for the job. We haven't approached anyone else. Only you and of course, you're tentative. Well, so are we. For all we know, Gertrude may not even like you. But all we're asking for is one dinner. Everyone can get their feet wet, see how it goes. What if we offer you $1,000 up front for the evening? If it doesn't work out, no harm, no foul, you walk away with some pretty easy money. But if it does work, then we continue paying you in installments. Surely you can see your way clear to trying out dinner under those terms?
Mike: Cash. Up front.
Chloe: Oh, yes.
Mike: Okay. Let's give it a shot.
Ned: All right. Great. We'll be in touch with the particulars.
Alexis: Welcome aboard.
Chloe: thank you.
Ned: Mike. Remember, trust no one. Gertrude has spies everywhere.
Mike: Gotcha. Good night.
Chloe: Good night.
Ned: Talk to you soon.