Sonny's Confession

 

Sonny’s insight into his chosen life in the mob.


I have sinned through my own fault, in my thought, in my word, in what I have done. You know what I've done. You see my heart. You see the hate that I carry there, the ambition. I have knowingly sinned for the sake of power. (Puts his hands to his face and tries to keep his composure, then continues, a little tearful). I have lied, I have stolen and I have killed and I will do it again because I will not give up what I've won. And if you want to send me to hell, if that's your judgment, then I’ll go because I will not be helpless. (sighs heavily, starts to cry a little bit, but stops). You've taken Lily, Stone, my children, and Brenda, and I accepted these losses. I understand that's the life that I got to, you know, I got to pay for that for the life that I've chosen. But these are my sins. Not Courtney’s and she don’t deserve any of this. If you're going to punish anybody, you punish me

Father Coats: Mr. Corinthos, you've been incredibly generous to this parish. And . . .

Sonny: Maybe I'm trying to buy my way into heaven.

Father Coats: That hasn't been my impression.

Sonny: Maybe it's blood money, you know, profits from the wrong I've done. Maybe by giving it to the church, it's just, you know, my way of washing it clean.

Father Coats: Well, it may come as a surprise, but the church is more interested in cleansing your soul than your money.

Sonny: Not everybody can be saved, Father.

Father Coats: That's up to God, Mr. Corinthos. You're a powerful man. But even you can't tell the Lord what he can and cannot do.

Sonny: To be saved, you have to be sorry for your sins. You have to promise God that you'll try not, you know, do your best not to sin again.

Father Coats: I see you've had the benefit of a Catholic education.

Sonny: Yes, sir, ten years.

Father Coats: You seem to be missing an essential point. God loves you, Mr. Corinthos. There's nothing he wants more than to help you.

Sonny: Then why does he keep taking away the people who matter to me? They had nothing to do with this. Why doesn't he just punish me instead?

Father Coats: Well, you seem to be doing an excellent job of punishing yourself when your time could be better spent.

Sonny: Doing what?

Father Coats: Changing your life.

Sonny: I've tried to change my life, Father. I left a woman I loved at the altar. I broke her heart to save her life and I went away and lost my mind. Am I giving you a confession right now?

Father Coats: Is that your intention?

Sonny: Well, if this is between you, me, and God, then I can, you know . . .

Father Coats: Yes, it is.

Sonny: (Turns to face the priest) There's a darkness inside of me, a place that has no bottom. If hell is the absence of God, then this place is the absence of light. I know it's there because, you know, I try to avoid it, I try to ignore it, but it's pulled me in three times. It's like being in a nightmare and not being able to wake up. That's what's waiting for me if I leave this life. I refuse to go back there, and I know that's selfish because, you know, I should make the sacrifice for the people I love. Do you think it will?

Father Coats: I'm not sure I understand.

Sonny: Well, God understands, you know? He understands everything. He understood when he put me in the hands of my stepfather and he also understood when he put Michael in my hands. God knows that I will protect that child no matter what. You know what? If I'm damned anyway, why not take advantage of it? Why not take the power of my sins and use it against my enemy?

Father Coats: You'll be perpetuating the very thing that brought you here. Hatred breeds hatred. The only solution is forgiveness.

Sonny: Oh, I understand forgiveness, Father. My mother used to forgive my father over and over and over and over (brief tears). You know what forgiveness is, Father? It's getting the permission to hit again. (Whispers) I won't do it. I won’t.